top of page

How to Lose Someone


Keep the writings she left that you never read

because you cannot bear that she might have been mad

and you don't know if you can take seeing that in black and white

irrevocable print

Be afraid to light a candle, but once a year write to her in your journal, marked private, so she cannot see

Always think of her, but realize you have somehow forgotten what her voice sounds like

Try to remove the traces of loss you fear you might carry around like an awkward smell you can't seem to eradicate from an un-washable fabric

If you are shopping when you get the call that your grandma died

while waiting for news of your ailing mother

trying to distract yourself from the impending cosmic double blow

like a pair of treacherous proverbial maternal shoes hovering overhead

like Job anticipating yet-unknown trials

Take note of the pair of T bar pumps you just tried on

Walk listlessly through the rest of the store then leave, barely conscious of your surroundings

Write about it 12 years later


When people ask for your advice, tell them to do as you say, not as you do

Tell them to print their favorite picture

To light a candle

That any amount of time is ok to grieve

That according to Émilie du Châtelet's Conservation of Energy theory, energy can neither be created nor destroyed; rather, it can only be transformed or transferred from one form to another

This means that their loved one may no longer be in physical form, but they still exist

This also means that the unbearable loss you now carry will never truly go away, but it will change over time


Become what you mold it to be

That sometimes this feels out of your control

but with time and practice and painstaking intention

possibly, one day it might become something


Untitled painting by Amanda Manitach

bottom of page